New Things
by live.for.the.summer.28
Summary: Peeta and Johanna have lunch together in District 13. Johanna gives Peeta something that could help him. Everlark if you squint! Peetas POV.


I don't know why I'm doing this. Actually, I do. My "doctor" wants me to try "new things."

I just can't believe I'm actually doing this.

I glance up at my two guards on either side of me; the handcuffs dig into my wrists as I think of trying to knock them both out. It's tempting but not worth it. Besides I can't stand being strapped in my bed all day talking about how messed up my head is.

It's been a few days since I got to sit with Katniss, Finnick, Annie, Gale, and Johanna at lunch. Ever since then I've been trapped in my room. I couldn't take it anymore so my "doctor" said that I could visit some of my "old friends."

Whatever, as long as I get to walk around I'm all for it. We walk down some hallways and eventually arrive.

"Johanna Mason, you have a visitor," One of my guards shouts while pounding on the door. I hear rumbling and noises on the other side of the door and wonder if this was a good idea after all. Johanna Mason might not even think of me as a friend anymore.

"Haven't you guys ever heard of someone trying to take a nap," Johanna asks annoyed as she swings her door open. When she sees it's me who's at the door a moment of shock covers her face but then her famous bored, blank expression is back.

"To what do I owe this pleasure Peeta Mellark?"

I roll my eyes when she bows before me, mockingly. "I thought you might want to go eat lunch with me today."

"Sure, why not."

A feeling of accomplishment washes over me but I don't let it show. That was pretty easy. We walk towards the cafeteria after Johanna gets her big black boots on. She hasn't changed at all. I haven't been able to talk to her since we arrived here. She seems to be doing better.

"You've got quite a fan club Lover Boy," Johanna says glaring at my guards, I can't help but glare at them too.

"What can I say? You lose your mind and everyone follows you around." Surprisingly, Johanna laughs at this as we walk into the cafeteria. Her loud laugh makes everyone turn and look at us. I shoot them all dark looks and walk to an empty table.

"You don't want to go sit over there again," Johanna asks wiggling her eyebrows at me, playfully. I look behind her and see the whole gang, Finnick, Annie, Gale, and Katniss. I shake my head in disgust. Johanna smirks and sits across from me.

"I see you still got those fancy bracelets going on. Are they trend setting yet?"

"I see you still got a big mouth." Her eyes narrow.

"Touché Mellark well played," Johanna says smiling a little. "So why did you pick me to be your lunch buddy?"

I shrug and try to eat my soup with handcuffs on. "I don't know really. I guess you're one of the few people I don't feel like killing," I say truthfully.

"Well, I'm honored Lover Boy, really," Johanna says thick with sarcasm, rolling her eyes. I get a feeling that Johanna wanted a serious and honest answer, part of it serious though, I don't want to kill Johanna. If anything I should be thanking her or apologizing.

"I never got to tell you that I'm sorry," I say letting my words hang in silence. She doesn't look up from her bowl of soup. "I didn't listen to you. I broke my promise."

"Don't worry about it," she says quickly shaking her head, "it doesn't matter now anyway." The way Johanna says it makes it sound like it does matter and I start to feel bad.

"Are you mad at me?"

She sighs and looks up from her food. "I'm madder at myself. I was supposed to keep you safe and look at you now."

I look at myself and say, "What? I think I still look pretty hot," I say in a deep voice wiggling my eyebrows at her. She lets out a loud bellowing laugh and everyone looks at us again, my eyes land on Katniss who is looking at me, except, she's looking at me with a sense of longing on her face. It almost looks like she wishes she was over by me.

"She loves you, you know," Johanna says following my gaze to Katniss.

"You know it was all an act."

"For you it wasn't."

"I don't believe you." Johanna looks at me in disbelief.

"How can you even _say_ that?"

"Easy. Look I know that I _used_ to love Katniss. Ever since I was five I always had a huge crush on her and then when the games happened I fell in love with her. Katniss was never going to love me the way that I loved her," I pause letting my words sink in for both of us. It feels weird actually talking about it. "But my love for her was blinded. I didn't see her the way everyone else did. Now I do see her the way everyone else does and honestly I think this was for the best."

We are both quiet for a while; we just stare at each other trying to figure the other one out.

"The old Peeta would have not thought this was for the best," Johanna whispers to me. I shake my head at her.

"The old Peeta doesn't exist anymore."

Johanna nods, not looking at me. "That's what I was afraid of," Johanna says turning her dark eyes to me. My breath hitches in my throat. The words echo in my head over and over again.

"Lunch times over. Time to head back to your rooms," My guard says at us and we finally break eye contact. We walk back to our rooms quietly no one talking at all. When we get to Johanna's room she hesitates before going.

"Can I have one minute alone with Peeta," Johanna asks my guards. The guards look at her like she's crazy. "He won't kill me. Were friends, please?"

"I promise I won't kill her," I say to my guards. They look at each other and shrug. I gesture towards my hands and they unlock my handcuffs.

"You got one minute, counting." And with that they walk down to the end of the hallway, giving us some privacy. As soon as they are out of ear shot Johanna launches on me.

"Now, I'm going to give you something Peeta," Johanna says to me like I'm four years old. She grabs my pants and sticks a piece of paper in my pocket. My eyes go wide when she does this. She leaves her hand in my pocket and pulls me close to her.

"Peeta, please try to remember this, okay?" Her warm breath bounces on my face making me a little dizzy. I can feel her body pressed up against mine. I try to steady myself and set my hands on her small waist. "Peeta, you love her."

I don't know what to say. When I see the guards walking towards us I pull her in for a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist and I do the same to her. I press my lips to her ear and whisper to her, "Want to have lunch with me tomorrow?" I feel her nod and we pull away.

"Time to go," my guard says and latches my handcuffs on. I feel like crying when they do this. Am I not trusted enough to go walk down the hallway? Johanna slips into her room but not before giving me a look. I wave and continue down the hall with my guards.

"Do I really need these handcuffs," I ask them. When they don't answer I just walk faster trying to get away from them. "Can I go to the bathroom," I ask them as we stand outside my "room." Again, they shrug and unlock my handcuffs.

As soon as I get in the bathroom I take the paper out of my pocket. Except it's not a piece of paper. It's an envelope addressed to Katniss Everdeen and it's written in my hand writing. I wrote a letter to Katniss and if I did how come she never read it?

I rip it open and try to remember writing this to her.

_Katniss,_

_If your reading this than this means that I am dead and I accomplished what I wanted to do. I know that you wanted to die for me but in the end we both knew that I would die. I was never a contender in these games and we both know it. _

_Now, I know that you love me it's just not the same love that I have for you. After going through two Hunger Games with you has made me realize that we both love each other. You love me but you're not _in_ love with me. I have grown to accept that. You're in love with Gale. Don't try to deny it, that night he got whipped I saw on your face that you loved him. Its okay, I knew it all along I just didn't want to admit it. So please, go on with your life and be happy. That's all I want from you. Go on with your life. _

_I love you so much. I want you to know that. This is going to sound stupid but I think my name being drawn for the Hunger Games was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's true Katniss. _

_Well, I think you're starting to have a nightmare I'm going to go try and wake you up. I should get some sleep anyway; tomorrow we go back into the arena. _

_Please be strong and do not turn your back on the world. There is some good in this cruel and unfair world we live in. You're such a strong and loving person. Turn this world into the life you would have wanted for me to live in._

_Forever Yours,_

_Peeta Mellark_

I stand there in the bathroom and suddenly become overwhelmed by the memory of writing this. I remember looking at Katniss sleep soundlessly, loving her even more.

I loved Katniss Everdeen more than I thought.


End file.
